Trapped

Boy do I feel trapped

What I want right now is to get away. Escape. Go to Oregon, Washington State, DC, Maine, North Carolina.....

Just get in the car and *GO* for 3 weeks.

Go at a slow pace, yes. 5-8 hours a day. But you can see a lot in that time, you know?

I look outside here... I see houses. Freeway. Construction. Trees.

I want to look outside and see mountains, ocean, scenic lakes... heck, even scenic redrock desert.

I want to go sit in a diamond or crystal "mine" activity (ie: Crater of Diamonds) and such, and go rock hunting. Know what we have down here to hunt? Mud. Mud. More mud. Clay. And lots of fire ants.

I want to escape the dreams of work that have been plaguing me all week. I want to escape the doctor's visits. The feeling of inability to do things. Of being trapped...

*sigh*

I know from past experience that taking a 2-week trip can make a huge difference for me. The escape from *anything* stressful in the normal way, the production of adrenaline, even the exercise with a *purpose* can do me a lot of good.

It doesn't last, but it can do me a lot of good.

Phew. I do hate fatigue.

Okay, so yesterday I took the functional capacity exam. 3-3.5 hours in the office, of which about an hour and a half was doing exercises. Maybe a little more. After questionnaires, and interview, he had me walk on a treadmill until I couldn't go any farther. To the point of being afraid of falling off type. I only made 5 minutes. That's pathetic. Put me on a mountain trail or at the Disney parks and I'll go farther :p But then, on vacation adrenaline will kick in and I'll pay for it later. *sigh*

Anyway, after that we did the lifting stuff, and pushing, etc. Then grips. Then bending (that one was easy. The pose he wanted was one I do all the time to stretch/relax my back. Then squats. I got 16 before my legs would not lift me again and I had to use my arms.

I felt a lot better after the test, of all things. More alert and awake. Yay endorphins or whatever. But those wore off and the "headband" of the headache came back within 30 minutes.

Went for lunch after that (yummy Indian food. Found a great buffet) then about fifteen minutes at the book store (I was looking for more mandalas to color. Very relaxing), and by the time we got to mom's house, I was wiped out.

Slept *HARD* for about 2.5 hours. Only got up after that so my mom's neighbor (a nurse) could give me my shot.

Then watched a movie, hubby picked me up and brought me home, I ate dinner... then was in bed at 9:30.

My natural biorhythms are more like 10:30 am - 2am. With naps. Going to bed at 9:30 when I'd already had one hurt. :p I wanted to write and do embroidery or watch TV, but I couldn't stay awake. :(

And then I slept straight through (other than bathroom a couple of times) until 10:30 am.

Over 12 hours.

And even then, I only got up because I *really* needed to get something to eat and drink. And then it was right back to bed again for another 5 hours. Slept just as hard.

Some people may say this is just over-sleeping or something, but no. I couldn't focus on the TV screen or the computer screen or embroidery or anything really when I was eating dinner.

I even went back for *another* nap, only it turned into more like meditation than a nap since I didn't quite sleep. And that was only for about an hour and a half.

Got up and felt great... for all of 2 hours. And now, the glaze or fog is starting to settle in *again*.

And on a I guess you'd say more metaphysical note... I've been getting interested in some of the "energy system" stuff of Chinese medicine. You know, chakra points and meridians and such that tie to acupressure and acupuncture. After several different martial arts and yoga classes, I can sorta "see" (hard to describe) the "ball of energy" at the chakras. It's a pure visualization exercise. Well, last week when I was helping mom upstairs, the chakras were strong. Like little miniature suns. The past couple of days though, it's so, so much weaker.

Funny thing though... I can still remember that list of 15 words that I had to do for that neuropsych exam on Thursday that I tried a "memory palace" technique. It works :D

Also something to note... I was looking for a picture for my facebook profile. Went as far back as 3 years ago. You can *see* the change in my energy levels just in pictures of me. It's a very noticable change from the England trip 3 years ago to the one 2 years ago to the trip last fall then my WDW trip this spring and a Cali trip. Very, very noticeable difference.

Off to a more fatigued start today. Hopefully will result in a more accurate test.

So, did the first of the tests today

First test down -- the neuropsych. And I think I did annoyingly well on it >.> The problem is that I find the memory games and logic puzzles in that eval -fun-. Yes, I'm nerdy. The most notable "negative" really was the level of headache I got from the thing. By the end of 2 hours I was up to 3 advil. I pointed that out to the doc and she said thank you, that -is- very significant. I really like this neuropsych. She is the sweetest lady.

Tomorrow is the test I *don't* want to do. The functional capacity one.

So far a more typical morning. Good. It will make for a more realistic test.

I'm trying not to get too hopeful...

...but I had another really good day today. Made it to the museum and through almost 3 hours mostly on our feet at the museum. By then I was physically tired, but not so much mentally. I was even able to drive home. Nice to be able to drive again.

Such good intentions...

It's dramatic, how much just an hour can make.

Woke up this morning feeling good. Mentally alert, physically fine, no fog...

Ate breakfast, no problem.

Called the doctor to schedule a functional capacity exam (one of the two tests the insurance requires)... just trying to explain to him what I need and such, with the distraction of call waiting as mom called at the same time I was talking to him, then a 20 minute conversation with mom...

Now I'm drained again.

In this case, it's the stress. *sigh*